This house was built for laser tag.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
