I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
