I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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