You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize