Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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