Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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