The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
