ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
