so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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