sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
