that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
