i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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