I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
