you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she told me i tasted like america
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
