you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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