I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
