How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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