dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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