jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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