how can u be prego again
Do you still have your period?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
