my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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