I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize