So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
God I need to hump something, right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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