Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
