do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
