Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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