My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
