i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
