He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
