He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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