the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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