ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
