i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
