I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
