I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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