Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
