Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
