It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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