I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize