how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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