dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
