why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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