just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Houston, we have a squirter
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
