Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
