You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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