They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
