I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
