**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
