I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
