I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
