I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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