That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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