there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize