If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
