Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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