the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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