were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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