The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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