A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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