Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
