dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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